Soggy Cereal and Cold Food

I've never liked either of those, soggy cereal or cold food when the food is meant to be hot. I've always enjoyed cereal, I usually have at least three different flavors sitting atop the fridge and they are well thought out. Now that I've entered motherhood I eat when I can, what I can and sometimes I don't eat at all. I'd say that a baby is a great diet plan but I feel it when my body is lacking proper nutrients and it slows me down and makes me less efficient. There is so much about motherhood that was unexpected, for the better and for the harder. I say harder instead of worse because being a mother isn't horrible it's just challenging in ways I didn't expect. There's a lot about motherhood/being a parent that isn't addressed, you find out when you get there (and if people knew maybe there would be less children in the world :). I wouldn't give up my daughter for anything in the world but it's taken some getting used to and I'm still getting used to it. I explain it like this: in marriage, to have a good marriage, you sacrifice, you give of yourself to your spouse, you work on being selfless and sometimes you can get away with thinking about yourself. With a child all your wants and desires take a back seat. Grace doesn't care if I want or need just a little more sleep, when she's up and needs attention I have to get up (especially when Ryan's already gone to work at 4am!). When she's hungry I have to feed her even if I was just about to take a shower (I've almost mastered a really quick shower when it's just Grace and I home. However, I really love the times when Ryan is home with Grace and I can savor a nice long shower). When she cries and cries and cries and my head hurts from listening to her I still need to take care of her. I know how to soothe and comfort her but sometimes I wish someone else would do it at the snap of my fingers. I have my husband's help but he does work outside the home to provide so I can stay home with Grace and so I'm thankful for when he can help. I value those moments when he holds Grace and I have two free hands to take care of something or he makes a bottle or he'll change a diaper. Since she is my "job" I appreciate the breaks of freedom. In marriage you can learn to be more like Jesus if you let yourself and that continues so much more as a parent. I enjoy raising my child and look forward to raising more but I'm definitely human. I look forward to when this sets in as super normal, when I'm mostly over myself, my wants and my desires, when I can almost fully put my family before anything I want. I say mostly and almost fully because I'm human, I'm not perfect and alhtough I can continue to improve and grow I'll never be perfect but I look forward to the growth, not necessarily the growing and stretching but the outcome of it.
On a lighter note, I love my daughter's smiles and laughter, I love making her laugh. I love her "kisses." I love seeing her with her daddy, my husband who she loves and lights up and laughs for all the time. I love watching her grow and discover new things. I look forward to seeing the woman she'll become. I love being able to teach her what I know, teaching her about God, and life. I love reading to her, I love holding her, I love when she sleeps on me, I love that I know how to comfort her, I love the satisfying feeling that comes when I've calmed her down. I love all the things that make her her. I love knowing and serving her and I love that I get to have her and I get to have her with Ryan.

I left my heart where?

I'm home? No, I'm at a home I used to live in with people I love. My home is up north? My home is where my family is and that family consists of my husband and daughter.  But my family is also my extended immediate family, my brother, sister-in-law, niece and my parents. Then there's my extended family, my dad's side and my mom's side and I have in-laws too. I've never lived this far away from my family (all those down south) and I didn't realize just how much I miss them until I came down here to visit and it's a mix of emotions. I'm SO excited to be here and at the same time I miss my husband so much. I'm ready to go back and see him but I'm not ready to leave my family. I'm down here for a week and you'd think that would be enough time to see everyone but it's not. There are quite a few friends and family members I won't be seeing. It's hard to miss out on the daily lives of those I love. To be honest even if I lived here I wouldn't be a part of their daily lives but I'd see them more frequently, I'd know what's going on, I'd know more of what they are talking about with each other. There are a few friends in particular that I really miss living life with. It hurts to be away from everyone, email, texts and phone calls are great but aren't exactly the same.

Then there's life up north. I love life up north. I love the community that we're a part of. I love being able to spend time with other moms, other married couples, women in particular. I miss those friends. I love being able to spend time with my in-laws. I love getting to know them more and watching my nieces and nephews grow up. I love the area even if I do have to take a jacket everywhere I go, have to wear shoes more, am not close to a beach (not like I went much down south anyway) and don't see that many mountains. I love the fresh air, the wind is enjoyable most of the time, I can see the stars in the sky, there aren't billboards and there are new places to explore.

I can't entirely say I wouldn't change my life because if I could change my life I'd have all the community that I know and love from down south move up north. But that's all I'd change because I really do love my life, it's just going to hurt a lot to leave. As much as I'm going to miss it here I'm looking forward to getting back into my normal routine and it looks like regularly scheduled trips down south are in order.

Spiritual Parenting

I've just started reading another new book (I have about five going right now), Spiritual Parenting by Michelle Anthony. The book caught my attention because of the title and the author, one of my previous professors whom I highly respect. I'm only a few pages in and I know I am going to enjoy and learn much about how to be a better parent, how to raise my child and future children. Being raised a Christian we're mostly taught what not to do. Not to smoke, drink, cuss, have sex before marriage, be unkind, unloving, etc. This book proposes the idea of raising kids with what we are to do instead and the reason why. What a simple yet profound idea to me. Speaking in the positive provides enjoyment and excitement in my mind. We love others because Christ first loved us and we show that love by treating others kindly, respecting others and ourselves. I think it's going to be more enjoyable to teach my children the yeses and whys of what we do instead of always saying don't, don't don't. I realize this will take more effort because it needs more explanation and patience but I look forward to trying.

I don't know where this is going

I've decided to start a blog, this blog obviously. I'm not really sure where it's going to go, what I'm going to do with it and even if I will do much with it. I've blogged in the past on Xanga and MySpace and they lasted a little while but not as long as I would have liked. So here I am again trying to share my life, my ideas and whatever else crosses my mind. I'm not even sure if I will share this link with people. Maybe I'll start writing and get several entries in and then share the link. Who knows! Here's to a new chapter in blogging! :)